19. Boats Through The Ages (Lily's Pearls)

“Deck it out with antiques - they don’t have to be new ones!” None of us can make head nor tail of what’s happening this episode as we don’t know if Lovejoy knows what the others think that he knows even though they don’t know if he knows that they know he knows. You see what we mean? By the end of it we weren’t even sure if jewellery is a real thing any more. Helen can blame the Lemsip and Pol the codeine but Em has no excuse!

Still, we enjoy finding out when Pol lost her avocado virginity, all about the great Crisps Conspiracy and why Lovejoy is to blame for the lack of East Anglian theme parks. We’re drawing up a LovejoyLand proof of concept as we speak, and want you to tell us what squares you would have on a Lovejoy Bingo sheet - helpless widows? Embarrassed Poshos? Eric’s lying? Or something else?

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Roger Marshall and directed by Bill Hays.

Antique of the Week: the original Walkers crisp packets.

18. Little Ninja (Raise The Hispanic)

As Tinker observes “the best of us can fall prey to alcoholic fantasy” but is this really what’s happened to Lovejoy in the case of the disappearing body? Join us for another farcical (and slightly sweary) romp through Lovejoyland as Pol delights in a diminutive assailant, Em has an unsettling Bed Knobs & Broomsticks flashback and Helen stubbornly refuses to suspend her disbelief. We learn about Danegeld, nominative determinism and the Detroit Tigers baseball team whilst admiring another canine addition to the cast - the lovely Lassy!

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by Bill Hays.

Antique of the Week: Terrifying Military Mask

17. Hot Smut! (Sugar & Spice)

It’s a real trip down Memory Lane (via Ambleside Avenue) this week for the intrepid hens, as they manfully untangle another Lovejoy mystery plot with only the aid of alcohol free beer. Well, it was January. And somehow it STILL manages to sound like a hen do as we discuss the fine line between Art and filth, our mad teenage obsessions and that time Pol made tea for James Bond.

This episode we meet Kate sorry: VICKY and Jane sorry: SUSAN and a whole host of rather dodgy characters as a set of erotic drawings are hawked around by a sixth former desperate to protect her sister.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Steve Coombs and Dave Robinson. It was directed by Baz Taylor.

Antique of the Week: Erm, well have a listen, I’m too embarrassed to type it.

16. French Connection (National Wealth)

More embarrassed aristocracy (well, film aristocracy - Jean Kent!) this week as Lovejoy leaps to Madeleine Gilbert’s rescue when she falls foul of chimpanzee death duties. Yes, really. Lots of lovely peril for us to enjoy in this high scoring episode as Eric panic hires a boat, Tinker leaves a message in a bottle (which he had to drink, obviously) and Lovejoy’s shirt battles with his voice for which can be lower. We also have behind the scences info on last week’s Groaning Board from Kevin Lawes aka @PCKevster on Twitter AND an amazing brand new song to play us out from long time friend of the podcast Mr. Marvin Gore.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Geoff Lowe and directed by William Brayne.

Antique of the Week: Tinker’s chivalry; John Joseph The Chimp; Britain’s relationship with the European Union and, okay, a nice candelabra.

15. Woman's Hour (One Born Every Minute)

Buckle in snowflakes! We’ve some original 90s attitudes to unpick this episode, as we swallow a few spoonfuls of misogyny and get vaguely uncomfortable at people putting on accents.

Lovejoy is inexplicably skint once again, despite flogging that Chaucer - perhaps because he’s finally paying Eric. Some shadowy men in suits offer him some mch needed cash to track down a mystery artist who is not as hard to find as everyone seems to think (it’s just Tom Wilkinson in a baseball cap.) Laugh along with us as Lovejoy alleges he ISN’T Sherlock Holmes despite spending the last 14 episodes sleuthing - and accepting the job.

This week Pol has a nasty shock at Lovejoy’s approach to Earl Grey, Helen rails against the plot and Em defends sad, horny artists everywhere.

Antique of the Week: Hormone Replacement Therapy; 90s fashion (again?)
Misogyny of the week: The Plot.

14. Pikelets (Who Dares Sings)

Happy New Year everyone, we’re back from the pub!

In this episode we enjoy some absolutely cracking writing, as Lady Jane and Lovejoy work together to open what appears to be Britain’s first gastropub with an old army pal of Tinker’s. Dictator dress-up, shellfish metaphors and a teacake controversy all feature this week, as Polly struggles through a hangover and Helen struggles through the plot.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Douglas Watkinson and directed by John Woods.

Antique of the Week: The Canterbury Tales and Jane’s rather beautiful jacquard mallard jumper.

Bonus Ep - Books!

Enjoy a Christmas bonus episode all about the Lovejoy novels by Jonathan Gash. Recorded in the field (aka the pub) listening to this one with headphones is highly recommended!

We discuss the novels and the TV series with Em's mate Andrew who (for some reason) has read almost all of Jonathan Gash's output.

We discuss Death in Venice, the Judas Pair and Gold from Gemini as we get progressively drunker and the room gets progressively noisier! This is an abridged version of a longer episode available to our $5 and above Patrons - come and join the fun for 2019!

13. A Cross Squirrel (Montezuma's Revenge)

Pulling cardigans at the ready, it’s another episode of Lovejoy Actually!

This week Pol loses the plot, Em raises her concerns for the academic community (careful Prof!) and we discover yet another language Helen can speak all whilst enjoying a suit made of exciting thread, arguing about egg spoons and being delighted by a cameo from Mickey La Souris (who now seems to be living in Friar Park… we think.)

Furious squirrels, safe caravans and dea- sorry, DED Lizards all feature in this return to Lovejoy peril, and frankly, we’re delighted!

Antique(s) of the Week: Tinker’s suit, Jane’s cardi and a possibly cursed Colombian funerary raft made of gold.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Alan Clews and directed by William Brayne.

12. Frothy Coffee (Bin Diving)

Lovejoy finds himself doing yet another favour for Jane and Eric falls foul of a gang of bullying bin men in a mysterious dumpster-diving commotion this week.

We discuss giving pets human names, the past participle of bin dive (bin dove? bin... divven?) and Brixton's next culinary destination "Dirty Spaghetti" whilst being only slightly weirded out by an elderly dead woman's stockings and some tip-soiled copies of Razzle.

We meet Brian Nunn the Unexpected Feminist, played by the brilliant Warren Clarke, and enjoy other performances from not-actually-Janine-Duvitsky; a very talented dog called Ben, and Em’s other boyfriend - Neil Dudgeon.

Listen and find out all about Pol’s ongoing feud with Barnet council, Em’s fear of home “intrusions” and Helen’s childhood in the Serengeti (which isn't a desert after all, thanks Pol.)

Antique of the Week: the (pottery) King of Sardinia; a young Neil Dudgeon; the chair which may or may not be the same chair from Episode 2, Series 6

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Terry Hodgkinson and directed by Baz Taylor.

11. Helter Smelter (The Italian Venus)

Vulnerable Lovejoy is on the case this week, doing a Mysterious Favour for Jane and taking a bronze to the head in the process. Ouch! We’re delighted to see Celia Imrie join the cast for this episode, as we unlearn all we’ve learned about what is and isn’t illegal when it comes to forgery, swap our very best dog impressions and get surprised by a lamp.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by T. R. Bowen and directed by John Woods.

Antique of the Week: Flickers’ stunning jumpsuits, the actual Guarini Venus and a bloodstained bronze.

Shout out to @kymrbrosnan on Twitter for being our awesome Patreon donor ❤️

10. Welcome, Miriam! (Just Desserts)

Lovejoy’s back and so are we! Welcome to the first episode of Series Two, where we can’t tell a dresser from a dressing table, Em gets much too excited about the Wisley Green’s Women’s Institute and Eric is sorely disappointed by a chocolate seahorse (who wouldn’t be?)

In the first episode of the second series Lovejoy is released from prison and decides he'll play detective to find out just who framed him. Which seems to involve a rather large amount of breaking and entering - although the jury's still out on whether it's breaking and entering if you don't actually break anything. (Yes it is ~ Em.)

This is a feature length episode, brought to you by Badedas, bottoms and too much wine. The original Lovejoy episode was written by Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais and directed by Don Leaver.

Antique of the Week: Em liked Lovejoy’s sidecar adventure, but Helen and Polly were quite taken by a beautiful guinea purse.

Happy Birthday Ian McShane!

We couldn’t help but mark the occasion in son ~ Many Happy returns Mr. McShane, from the three of us, and our wine 🍷🎂🍷🎂🍷

A beautiful song which we're fairly certain isn't copyrighted.

9. Death And Birmingham (Death And Venice)

Show us yer campanile, it’s the season - ahem - SERIES finale as Lovejoy takes Venice for some reason we still haven’t completely worked out, despite diligently reading the original novel. Twins! Guns! Soft jazz! Knockers! It’s all here. Enjoy Pol going full Lovejoy Rainman with trivia ranging from British film of the 1960s to, well British sitcoms of the 1990s as we dissect this double episode in our extended one. Featuring our usual stumble through the plot as we discuss Diverse Lovejoy, Gwen Humble, Eric Clapton, The Reliable Venetian Hand and why you should ALWAYS check who you’re messaging before you hit send.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais and directed by Baz Taylor, based on Jonathan Gash’s novel The Gondola Scam. (Check out www.abebooks.com if you’re after a copy.)

Antique of the Week: Birmingham. No, sorry - Venice. Before it sinks.

Dudley Sutton R.I.P.

We were deeply saddened to hear about the death of Dudley Sutton yesterday. A respected actor who played many roles over a career spanning over five decades, he will always be Tinker to us. From Lavenham to the Pilchard Inn he gave us so much pleasure. So, cheers, Major Dill, and thanks for brightening up our world. 🍻

8. The Look of Love...joy (The March Of Time)

Swearing, spoilers and cocaine as Lovejoy's spidey senses tingle enough to pick up a cheapy antique clock with some not-so-cheapy love letters stuffed inside. Perhaps not one for little ears this week! This episode sees Lovejoy haring around the countryside "doing the eyes" at anyone who gets in his way, data protection rules be damned. "Borrowing" artefacts from a military museum, squeezing info out of solicitors and gaining entry to university research laboratories - nothing is too difficult if you can do those eyes. Can you do them listener? We discuss the dangers of the 1980s (just say no kids), the correct etiquette for having a wee in a pub and who (or what) Richard Parker is all whilst wiggling our eyebrows at each other. Great audio material(!)

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Murray Smith and directed by Ken Hannam.

Antique of the Week: The handwritten word.

7. ANTIQUES MAN (The Real Thing)

Mere traces of peril this week as Lovejoy's rescue complex turns away from needy widows to the shopkeepers of Norfolk who have found themselves part of a not-massively-sophisticated fiddle game. He also gets an actual job (finally!) though nothing is as it seems, as per. This episode Pol shares the time she she thrust her ticket at Ian McShane; Helen reveals a surprising family connections and Em remembers her love for Mark Bellingham. We also enjoy Gimbert's turn on Antiques Treasure Trail, and are delighted by the sight of Lotus Lovejoy.

Antique of the Week: Lady Jane's brick phone (and accompanying briefcase!)

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Francis Megahy and directed by Roger Tucker. 

6. Personal Nun (To Sleep No More)

Lovejoy favours a scarf in this episode as he gets to the bottom of a double fiddle to help out a widow in distress (again.) We finally get around to making some corrections this week and shouting out a fan so join us as we enjoy a playful Tinker, discuss clerical dress (phwoar) and meet gun toting Smiley O'Reilly.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by David Brown and directed by Ken Hannam.

Antique of the Week: ARPANET (without which...)

5. Peak Vintage McShane (The Judas Pair)

It's the darkest episode to date as Lovejoy comes up against a Real Baddie. Based on an even darker book, join the metropolitan liberal elite as we discuss Detective Lovejoy (much to Em's disgust) and perform a stunning rendition of the Antiques Roadshow theme. We also recast the series for the modern age, try to decide where Lovejoy studied and struggle to choose our Antique of the Week - Eric's ghettoblaster or Ian McShane's legs? 

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais (based on The Judas Pair, by Jonathan Gash) and directed by Baz Taylor.

Antique of the Week: Apothecary Box (in the end!)

4. Ecce Romani! (Friends, Romans and Enemies)

People called Romans they go in the house? It's an episode full of moderate peril as Lovejoy visits the Isle of Man (which is NOT in England, it turns out) fails to find Gef the Talking Mongoose but does see off Nigel Farage whilst he searches for buried treasure. Wot a ROMP! Join us as we practice our Latin, learn about fake (or otherwise) Roman hoards and decide our Misogyny Of The Week.

Antique of the Week: Roman hoards in Britain. 

The orginal Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais and directed by Ken Hannam. Our cava wrangler for the evening was Frank.

3. Pomegranate of Potash (The Sting)

Is there a train station in Lavenham? We enjoy a romp around the UK with Lovejoy et al as we learn when yellow was invented, who created the Hard Rock Cafe and why you shouldn't trust a charity shop bargain.

The original Lovejoy episode was written by Ian La Frenais and directed by Baz Taylor.

Antique of the Week: Em's "Chanel" handbag.